come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did i walk over a car last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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