i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
