She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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