Dude my mom stole all your condoms
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
