**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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