Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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