The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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