Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
