i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
