sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
