he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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