I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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