i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize