Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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