I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
