It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
