I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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