Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
