Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
