I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
