I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
