So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
