two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
