Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
