i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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