I'm drive I can fine osifer
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was like eating out sand paper
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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