If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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