Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
