Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
