so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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