Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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