I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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