There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
