also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
