I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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