I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
