that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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