OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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