Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize