Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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