Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
