i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
