oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
