Already got asked if we're dating
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
