hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
PANTIES FOUND
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