i don't like sucking hair
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
