I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
