Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
