i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize