Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize