My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
be right there i have to get my cape
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize