I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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