was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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