I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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