ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
