Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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