the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
