I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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