Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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