if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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