We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm both gender and math confused
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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