Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
