I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
