how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
