we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
