If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
even my farts smell like vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
