i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
