I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
