a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
