i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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