Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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