nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
