Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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