do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
